Public Humiliation of the Day: When married actor “Brian” attempted a little adultery this morning on his cross-country flight, he had no idea he was hitting on model Melissa Stetten, whose Twitter feed — with 13,000+ followers — broadcast in real time his increasingly pitiful, hypocritical attempt to renege on his vows. Here’s the recap in its entirety.
WTF with those comments, though
Somehow Melissa is to blame for this dude trying to cheat on his wife
First of all, Wes, I don’t think you meant to sign this “Men”, I think you meant to sign it “Assholes”. Because that is clearly what you are.
Am I really going to have to deconstruct this sentence by sentence? Yes. Yes I am.
- First of all, jackass, she didn’t start her career by “showing her ass”. She started her career by spraying Army plane parts with fire retardent material and inspecting parachutes, which is what she was doing when someone for Yank magazine came in and took pictures of her. What the fuck have you done with your life? Have you inspected any parachutes lately? Or have you been too busy fucking around on Facebook all goddamn day?
- Second, if you can think of a way to make a name for yourself as a woman in Hollywood in the 40’s that doesn’t include being a sex symbol, you let me know. I’ll wait.
- So being an alcoholic or a drug addict makes someone worthless? Do me a favor and never take part in an intervention. You would be terrible at it.
- There’s no proof that Marilyn Monroe ever had an abortion. She had a ton of miscarriages caused by endometriosis, which is an extremely painful medical condition that we still don’t know very much about, fifty years later. (Also, just FYI, a lot of people turn to self-medicating with drugs and alcohol when there is nothing else they can do for a medical condition. Which you would know, if you weren’t a complete douchecanoe.)
- Even if she had one, two, A MILLION abortions, that wouldn’t make her a worthless person. It would make her a person with a medical history that is, in fact, none of your goddamn business.
- You’re right, bro, our society NEVER hero worships drug addicts. In fact, dying of a drug overdose or having an addiction completely invalidates any contribution you ever make to society. People certainly don’t have any respect for Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, Heath Ledger, Chris Farley, or John Lennon!
TL;DR: If you think that you, as a raging judgmental sexist, deserve better in your life than a beautiful, talented film legend who was hounded to death by assholes like you, you are fucking delusional.
Wesley Holleger, everyone! If you’re interested, ladies, he’s currently looking for someone better than Marilyn Monroe!
I don’t have a slow clap gif, so here’s Maya Rudolph raising the roof as Whitney Houston:
THAT IS THE WORST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE
DICKHEADS. ALSO: 12 ABORTIONS? SUSPICIOUS…
Alright, everybody, I’m calling for a group hug with stfusexists
Cuz I don’t have an applause gif either so we’re going with hugs.
I could take the high ground here and launch into a huge lecture on why it doesn’t matter and why gender isn’t dependent on your genitals and I could really impress everybody with my dazzling wit and intellect but I am instead going to literally show you what genitals I have
My cock is literally bigger than my face. I would wager it’s bigger than your face. It is large and purple and it looks like a Mewtwo’s tail and it is specially designed for delivering the best quality dickings around. I own many other genitals but this is the one I am most proud of.
Would you like to know what it’s called?